Connections
by LauraLover
Summary: What makes up the connections between mother and daughter? Bella sees the different ways to love her human mother and her Vampire one. One Shot. Bella and Esme.


I closed my phone with a sigh and set it on the bed. I lay down the white down comforter and tried to melt into it. The sun shot in the window, reflecting off my cold skin and sending an array of sparkles onto the ceiling. I moved my arm to the left and right, watching the rainbows rotate.

I should be happy. The phone call had been a very, very happy one, but I still felt this sadness…this separation.

Renee and Phil were finally pregnant. Renee had gushed about all of her plans of eating healthy, listening to Mozart religiously and actually taking Lamaze classes. Then she started in on the difficult part of the conversation.

"So when are you going to come down for me to finally meet my adopted granddaughter?" She asked bubbly. "She hasn't been to Florida yet, and I'm sure you and Edward could use a break from Alaska's weather!"

I didn't speak right away. I had been pushing off seeing her for the past 3 years. There just wasn't a way for her to see Renesmee, who now looked closer to 12, rather than 3. And there was no way Edward and I could be seen in the sunlight. Phil couldn't travel because of his baseball team, and Renee wouldn't travel alone. I had sent postcards, letters and e-mails weekly, which had appeased her for awhile, but recently she had seemed more restless to see us than usual.

"I don't know Mom, everything's just so busy with school, and with Nessie, I just don't think any of us have time," I said sadly.

"Aw, Hun, you could get a few days off," She said, her spirited voice dying down a little. My heart broke. Each time we had this conversation, I had to end it the same way, and it absolutely broke my heart to hear her so sad. "I haven't seen you in almost 3 years…3 whole years, Bells."

"I know," I whispered. I couldn't think of anything else to say. The usual silence fell on the conversation as we both waited for the other to speak.

"I have to go, Bella," she said finally. "Phil has practice and I promised I'd go along to announce the good news."

"Okay. Congratulations, Mom. I'm really happy for you," I replied, managing to mask the sadness in voice. "I love you."

"I love you too," And with that she had hung up.

The sun had fallen a little in the sky, and I watched as the setting sun pushed the rainbow beams across the ceiling. I couldn't help but think about Renee's pregnancy and what it would mean.

Another baby - maybe another girl. It was selfish to think it, and I hated myself for doing so, but I couldn't help feeling like I was being replaced. I felt like since I had moved out of her house, moved to Forks, got married, now she wanted to start over. Bella #2.

I rolled on my side, still angry at myself, but I still couldn't help but feel the same depression.

I missed her. I missed her terribly. Through my muddily vague memories of human life, the ones spent before I reached Forks seemed even more distant. But now, dwelling on the mother-daughter connection I had once had with Renee, I could piece together the life we had had together. The crazy concoctions we experimented with at dinner, the long drives we would take just to get out of the house, the new fads she would pick up drag me into, the nightly talks about life…

I missed my mother.

After a soft knock on the door, I rolled over on the bed to see Esme peeking into Edward and my room.

"Mind if I come in?" She asked, kindly, her eyes studying my melancholy face.

"Of course," I said, sitting up on the edge of the bed. She came and sat on the opposite side.

"Jasper got back from hunting before Emmett and Edward. He said he sensed you were feeling a little…homesick." She said smiling a little, but the tiny bit of hurt in her eyes gave her away. "Do…do you want to talk?"

I couldn't tell her I was missing Renee - missing my mother. It would feel like a betrayal, to me, especially after everything she had done for me.

"You can tell me anything, you know that, Bella," She had sensed my inner turmoil over the topic.

I decided to start slowly.

"I just got off the phone with Renee," I said, looking at my pale hand on the white comforter. It was amazing how similar in coloring they were.

"Ah, I see," She said. Her face looked understanding but I still felt the same guilt.

"She's pregnant, she just found out yesterday," I continued. Esme's face lit up a little.

"That's good news," She said shortly, still smiling.

"It is, yes, it is," I said, still looking at the comforter and feeling foolish. There really was no reason for me to feel jealous of this new baby when I had my life here with Edward and Renesmee. Esme's face was studious as she watched me trace the light floral pattern in the comforter. We sat there in the light of the setting sun, rainbow beams on each wall, in complete silence for several minutes. It was hard to feel awkward around Esme, but I felt oddly situated as I sat there trying to push down the feelings of remorse. All of a sudden she reached out and took my hand gently and lifted my chin so I was looking at her.

"You know, you were a first for me," She said. "Out of all of my 'children', you were the one that still had living family when you joined our family. Or at least you had the closest and firmest connection with your parents." She rubbed small circles on my hand with her thumb. "I knew it would be different from the others, and I wanted to be very careful about how I approached our relationship. The last thing I wanted to do was to take over as your mother, and push Renee out." She seemed shy as she revealed how much she had truly thought about this. Her eyes were on our hands, now resting one on top of the other on the bed. She lifted her beautiful face so her eyes met mine.

"I think of you as my daughter though, Bella. Any distance that you've felt from me is my fault. I wasn't sure how to be like your mother without filling her spot in your life. But I hope you don't feel like you've been devoid of a mother. I've really been trying to balance out how overly motherly I can be. I hope it didn't make you feel like I cared for you any less."

The room was steadily getting darker, the sky outside the window bursting in beautiful colors as twilight hit.

"I'm here, Bella, in whatever capacity you need me. A friend, a sister – I'll be here for you." She said, smiling a little broader and giving my hand an affectionate squeeze. She stood silently, and headed for the door, her bare feet silent on the wooden panels.

I had always thought of Esme as a mother of sorts, but not until now had I realized how I needed her. I would always miss Renee and the times we had spent together, but if she had fully understood the situation, she wouldn't have wanted me to be sad. I would love them each till the end of eternity; however, I would be living out the rest of eternity with Esme and our family. Renee had immediately loved Esme when she had met her; their instant motherly connection was like a sign of approval for my mother in law. Perhaps this new baby would be good in that it _would_ be a replacement. I truly couldn't be the daughter that Renee needed or deserved. I would love her forever from afar, but that was it. This new baby would help fill the void. Esme would love me no matter what I considered her, and she would always have that motherly protection over me. I loved her dearly, but I realized I could love her in the same capacity as I loved Renee. Like a true blood related mother and daughter.

I stood up from the bed and she turned before she was out the door. I reached for her, wrapping my arms around her slim figure. She hugged me tightly, smoothing down my hair with one hand. The sounds of our family's voices were louder and jovial as Emmett and Edward returned home from their hunting trip. Esme and I turned out of the bedroom, arms around each other as we started to head downstairs.

I smiled again, happier for everything that had transpired in the last hour or so. A new baby and a new found understanding of family. Esme seemed happier as well.

"I love you, Bella." Kissing my forehead and giving me a tight squeeze with her arm wrapped around me.

We made our way downstairs to our expectant family. Before we entered the living room where the rest of our family had taken seats, I hugged Esme one last time.

"I love you too, Mom."


End file.
